Category Archives: Inspiration

3 Simple Words To Say Every Morning

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One of the most incredible things I get to do as a mother is teach my children about Jesus.

I get to be the one to tuck them in at night.  The one to teach them how to pray.  The one to teach them how to ask for forgiveness when they’ve hurt someone else.  The one to model what it looks like to love God and follow Jesus.  Each night as I lay my baby boy into his crib I get to whisper into his ear that I love him and that God loves him too.  One of the greatest gifts of being a parent is that you get to be the most important person to someone.  It’s the coolest.  Really, it’s one of the best feelings in the world.  Sometimes it’s the scariest and the best at the same time.

I’m still learning from God and from other women around me what it looks like to create an environment for my family where God is glorified.  It’s not about doing everything right all the time, but it’s about all of us moving in the same direction, towards Jesus.

Something I started practicing a little while ago, was that each morning when I go into my son’s room to get him out of bed I tell him good morning and then I say, “Let’s say, ‘Good morning God!“

Sometimes after that we will say a quick prayer for dada or I will say a few things that I’m thankful for that day.  Other times we will pray for longer (meaning, I will pray aloud while Cameron begins to pull all his books off the shelf) or sometimes if I’ve just stumbled out of bed too we will just say ‘Good morning God’ and then go downstairs to get some breakfast.  But saying those three simple words each morning has been more powerful than I expected it to be when I started doing it.  Simply remembering God as we do our thing around the house each morning is powerful.

inner voice

I saw the above quote last week and it really stuck with me.  It’s so true.  Again, it’s an incredible honor and ridiculously scary at the same time.  Each mother has so much influence over her children.  Over the next five or six years (at least) Cameron will hear my voice more than anyone else’s.  His inner voice will either be built around complaining and negativity or it will be built around the good stuff.  Not to say that I never complain or say negative things (I’m a real person too!), but I’m continuously trusting the Holy Spirit to help me grow in this area for my own sake and for the sake of my family.

So with things like saying, “Good morning God!” each morning with my son, it’s my prayer that this will become part of his inner voice; his default setting.  I pray it gets stuck in his head and when he’s older he remembers what his mama taught him: that choosing God each morning is simple.  That saying those three little words can set a whole day of praise into motion.

Try it.  It works!

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P.S. – Lately I’ve been hooked on All Sons & Daughters Pandora station.  It’s lovely.  I recommend it.  It’s another thing that’s been helping me set some praise into motion.

The Spirit Came Like A Gentle Flood

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Kids Playing in Creek,oil on canvas,2009,45 X 36cm

This morning, baby Brook, the six month old that I watch, came over bright and early at 6 a.m.  He seemed content to play with some toys on the floor so I brewed a cup of coffee and decided to snuggle up in the big chair in my living room.  At first, I reached for one of the books I’m slowly reading through, but at the last second my hand made a quick right hand turn and landed on my Bible instead.

Sometimes it’s hard to pray, but this morning as I read my Bible and began to pray, the Spirit came like a gentle flood.  At first I was unaware, but as I continued, the water bubbled up, covering my toes then up to my knees and soon I was immersed.  The living water seeped into my pores, like it knew where to go and it sought out the places that needed God.

Of course, I’m speaking figuratively.  If my living room had actually flooded I would have been screaming in horror, but there are not literal ways accurate enough nor beautiful enough to describe what it’s like when the Spirit of God feels so close, so real.

Sometimes I feel like a lost cause.  A lot of times like I’m not living up to my potential.  But if I look back on my life, in every cold place or season of new blooms, I can see the arrows, they are everywhere, pointing me on toward Jesus.  The fact that I am who I am right now is in itself a miracle.  The fact that my life isn’t still a heaping pile of regrets and sadness is a miracle.  My life is a miracle.  And I know the arrows won’t stop.

The Spirit came like a gentle flood.  The living water seeped into my pores, like it knew where to go and it sought out the places that needed God.

My Vision Statement As A Mother

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I want to create a home where my children’s personalities are embraced instead of constantly judged.  I want my mothering to communicate to them, You belong.  You fit.  You can be exactly who God made you to be, and our family is better because you are here.”
~52 Things Kids Need From A Mom, Angela Thomas

When I read this, something in my heart went BOOM.  I had to stop and re-read it a few times.

Since becoming a mother, there are always more things that I’m discovering need my energy and attention.  Some of them have a higher priority than others, but all of them important.  Things like preparing healthy meals, creating a warm, loving, grace-filled environment, reading books, cleaning house, etc. etc. etc. etc.  There are so many things.

But when I read these words, I knew in my heart, “That’s it!  That is the most important!”

If I teach my children about Jesus, but deep down they don’t feel loved and accepted for who they are – it’s nothing.

If I invest in guitar lessons, nice clothes and fun excursions, but I act like, even subtly, like I wish they would just be a little more like so-and-so – I damage a fragile heart.

Being a mom is such a privileged and it’s terrifying.  Why someone would entrust me to shape a life…sometimes I don’t know.

It can be hard.  Lately, my beautiful little strong-willed boy sometimes acts like he’s a sixty-five year old man stuck in a 16 month-old body.  He wants his independence and he wants it now and he wishes I would just stop hindering him from doing all the amazing things he wants to do all day long.  If he isn’t free of boundaries to explore, this kid gets feisty like a tiger in a cage at the zoo.  And he bites like one too!

I think the common response is that, “It’s just a stage, you know.  It will pass.”  This is true, but it doesn’t help me be a better mom in the moment.

What does help me in the moment: knowing that I need to help shape this boy, not change him.  I need to accept him – every little detail and part of him – and I need to get to work doing the tedious, repetitive and painfully patient work of shaping him.

I don’t want my home to push my children towards perfection, but I want them to learn to pursue growth.  I want to create an environment where no one is afraid of being judged or rejected, but everyone is secure and can therefore pursue growth and know that when they fail, they’ll have a soft place to land.  Isn’t that what grace is?  Living in an environment where you’re not afraid that your mistakes and shortcomings will destroy your relationship with a parent (or with God)  When you’re celebrated, it gives you fuel to fly.

What Christians Need To Know About Mental Health

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This title is not mine, but rather I’m sharing the title from Ann Voskamp’s blog.  She wrote a post called What Christians Need To Know About Mental Health.  It came on the coattails of the terrible news that Matthew Warren, youngest son to mega-church pastor Rick Warren, committed suicide on Friday night after a lifelong struggle with depression. [story here]

The news, of course, seems to be stirring many, Christians especially, to delve more into the topic of mental health.  There is quite an array of opinions about the subject, so here, I’m choosing to share mine.

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When I finally decided to get on anti-depressants my first son was six months old and my mother said, “I can’t believe you’ve made it this long without them.  I thought you should have gotten on them years ago.”

Her comment was not offensive to me.  It was true.  I probably should have gotten on them years ago.

Instead, I’d denied medication because I thought it was more noble just to pray.  I thought I needed to prove something.  Prove my faith.  I thought something might be wrong with me and my Christianity if my Jesus didn’t simply take the depression away.  It’s been this way for as long as I can remember.

So I hid.  I closed the door and the windows and I only gave one person the key to my dark place.  My husband bore the burden.  No one else was to know this dark space existed.  So on difficult days, I stayed home.  I didn’t answer my phone.  I didn’t make plans with friends.  I didn’t do much of anything.  I just texted my husband about how miserable I was and how I felt like the room might swallow me up and I’d never come back.  Sometimes I wished that were the case.

Often times the very next day I would wake up feeling cheerful and light and jump back into normal life.  I just never knew when a dark day was going to hit.

Many Christians simplify depression, even people in my own church, including my own husband.  I’m not a psychiatrist, but I understand deep down in my soul that my depression is a complicated thing.  It’s not something I ever chose to have and while there are things I can do to help myself, it is not something that I can simply will away with positive thinking or by force.

The simplified version of depression is that if we muster up enough faith and ask Jesus, he will heal us from it.  Depression is a demon so just tell it to go away.  So I did.  And because my depression dug it’s heels in and decided to stay, I felt trapped.  Guilt.  Guilt.  Guilt.  It set in.  I felt like it was okay for a new Christian to be struggling with this darkness, but not for me.  Not for over-churched, Bible-reading me.  So all this left me feeling confused.  How could someone like me, who believes in the everlasting truth in the Word of God, still struggle, intensely at times, with depression?

When my son was about six months old my depression took on a new form.  It took on more of an anxiety quality.  I don’t know why, seeing as I felt more happy and fulfilled than I ever had before in my life.  Of course things were difficult at times.  The learning curve with having a newborn is extreme.  But I was happy.  Yet happy Erin still struggled with depression that was now turning into moments of extreme anxiety and panic.

After a few incidents where I freaked out and lost it, I told my husband, “I don’t care any more.  I need to get on meds, like tomorrow.”  He said okay, and we quietly spent the next few hours putting back all the clothes and shoes that I had just ripped out of our closet in a furry of panic like a wild beast.

The medication helped almost instantly.  The first thing I noticed was that I rarely ever cried anymore.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve been someone who cried at least every other day, usually more.  I’d always been an ultra-sensitive person where things that might seem minor to someone else, felt huge and extreme and way too big for me to handle.  Actually, a lot of the time my relationship with God just seemed to be me trying to get over bad feelings.  Sometimes I felt so tired of that.  I just wanted to feel okay so that I could think about other things for once.

Even though I struggle with it, I don’t fully understand depression.  In some ways the medical explanations don’t help and neither do the spiritual.  Knowing I have a chemical imbalance doesn’t really help and knowing there’s a demon living inside of me doesn’t help either.  It’s just creepy.  Especially when you try to pray it away and nothing changes.  Is believing that a demon has moved in and decided to live in my brain supposed to enhance my relationship with God?

Don’t get me wrong.  I believe in the Word of God and I believe that Jesus can and does heal.  I also believe in demons.  I just know from my own real life experience and many of my friend’s, that standing before God with hands held high, worship music blaring, with your fist pumped, declaring that you’re healed, isn’t always gonna do it.  God has his reasons, and if you read a book like Job you’ll realize that sometimes when you’re the character in the middle of your story, there is no way in the world that you are ever going to figure out the WHY of what God is doing.  I believe in his goodness and his loving nature towards me, but I don’t think I always know what God is up to.

I also think that healings along with signs and wonders are not the point of a relationship with God.  When I first became a Christian I worshiped God and loved God because of who he is, and that was all.  In the beginning, the gift of salvation was more than enough of a reason to love him back.  So why then, as time progresses do we start to obsess over getting healed?  Why do we think that if we have a back problem or depression that we must be doing something wrong with God?  Sometimes healing doesn’t happen in an instant.  Sometimes works of redemption take time.  Sometimes they take a long time.

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I think that people who deny medication are doing the best they can.   I think they really want God and they believe in miracles-so we shouldn’t judge them.

I think that people who take medication are doing the best they can.  I think they make the decision because they want to enjoy life and be a better version of themselves and feel happy – so we shouldn’t judge them either.

I think that’s my whole point.  There can be so much judgement when it comes to mental health, no matter how you individually choose to approach it.

I’m not an advocate for meds, in fact sometimes meds don’t help and sometimes they even make a condition worse.  Matthew Warren had been on meds and even seen some of the best mental health doctors in the country, yet he still struggled.  But sometimes they can help someone get through the meantime.  Sometimes meds can pull someone struggling with depression out of the fog and out from under the heavy load so they can get on with their life.  And sometimes they are needed for a lifetime…and that’s okay too.  If I had cancer or arthritis or whatever, I would probably take medicine as long as it was necessary as well.

So for me, the medicine has been helping.  I cry less and the things that used to make a huge splash in my day oftentimes seem now like little pebbles dropping into the lake.  For the most part now I feel like I am more in control of my feelings; like I finally have a say in some of it.  Before, my feelings ruled over me and I didn’t have a fighting chance.  Now, I’m more even keel and I don’t live on the roller coaster every day.  But once in a while I still have my days.  However, now my dark days are more like three times a month instead of three times a week or more.  And they’re not as dark as they used to be.  My darkness has lightened by a few shades.

I truly hope I won’t need to stay on this medicine the rest of my life.  I still plan to pray for healing – instantaneous healing and slow progressive healing because I’d be happy with either one.  I was healed from an eating disorder a few years ago so I know for a fact that God’s miracle healing is real.  But that didn’t come from declaring healing over my life.  It came through a slow, painful and messy process.  One where God took my hand and led me though the mess and out onto the other side.  One where God started the process of healing, not me.  You can’t force that kind of thing to happen and it doesn’t do any good to pretend that it is happening if it isn’t.  If it’s not real, the only result will be guilt.

But I can tell you one thing, I don’t feel guilty before God.  When I talk to him I don’t feel like he’s shutting me out because I’m taking medicine.  Right now I’m a better mom and person in general because I’m on antidepressants.  Right now, I’m experiencing more of God’s joy because my mind isn’t so weighed down with bricks of sadness.  Right now I don’t think about suicide because I don’t get swallowed up by the dark feelings that like to grab onto my clothes and pin me down.  Right now I’m living in God’s grace.  And if God whispers to me that he wants me to flush my pills down the toilet because I’m healed then I will do it and I’ll dance and shout his praise before men.  But right now, I’m going to praise him as I am.

If we’re honest, aren’t we all a lot more broken than we’d like to be?

Taking Care of Kids

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Thank you Charles Spurgeon for saying this.

Some days when I feel like, “All I did was keep my child alive today,” I feel tempted to discredit my day.  I didn’t really do anything.

But this is the voice of culture, not of God speaking.  My culture tells me that things like money, career, stability, fashion, automobiles, social outings, keeping busy, vacations and my social media presence are all more important than the simple and sometimes mundane tasks of giving my family quality care and my attention.  And honestly, some days those things sound a lot more exciting than the tasks  that can start to feel like drudgery if I’m not careful to keep a right perspective.

Despite what my culture tells me, there is great worth in God’s eyes when I invest my life into my children and my family.  While my kids are little ones, there is no greater priority than their care and upbringing.

If I invest now, I will reap the benefits later.

If I make other things my priority now, I will be investing later to try and undo the damage I did when they were young.

Today I am taking care of Cameron along with a 4 month old and a 3 year old.  Tomorrow I am doing the same thing.  The next 48 hours of my life are going to consist of diapers and sweeping crumbs off the kitchen floor, playing with toys and then picking them up again and again.  I hope to go on a walk this afternoon so we can all get some fresh air.

Right now there are many things that sound more relaxing, exciting and even possibly fulfilling, but Lord, help me make my home into a grand and glorious church where your Spirit can work among us.  Make my white-washed apartment walls glimmer and gleam like stained glass and may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, O my God.

My Reading List: 7 Years Of God & Relationships

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The other day, my friend asked me what kind of books I like to read.

I told her I didn’t really read novels, but that I wasn’t sure how to classify my literary taste.  That question got me to thinkin’ and later that day I started making a list in my head of the books I’ve read in the past seven years or so. I discovered that I do in fact have a literary taste.  God and relationships.  Made sense because I guess you could say that those are the two most important things to me.  I read books to learn and I watch TV for entertainment.  And I guess you could say that in each new and different stage of life I’ve felt the need for as much godly influence I could get!

So, I wanted to share my reading list because if you’re anything like me, you’d prefer to read a book that someone recommends versus just picking up one randomly.  There’s a few more that I’ve read that aren’t included because I only wanted to share my favorites about God and relationships.

Single

When God Writes Your Love Story, Eric Ludy & Leslie Ludy

Passion & Purity, Elizabeth Elliot

Boy Meets Girl, Joshua Harris

Wild At Heart, John Eldredge

Captivating, John Eldredge & Stasi Eldredge k

The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman

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Dating

….apparently I was too busy dating to read any books because I can’t remember ANY from this time period… k
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Engaged

This Momentary Marriage, John Piper

For Men Only, Shaunti Feldhahn & Jeff Feldhahn

For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn

Sheet Music, Dr. Kevin Leman (Read when almost married) k
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Married

The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

What’s It Like To Be Married To Me, Linda Dillow

The Blessing: Giving the Gift of Unconditional Love and Acceptance, Jon Trent & Gary Smalleyk

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Mom

52 Things Kids Need From a Mom, Angela Thomas

Bringing Up Boys, Dr. James Dobson k
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Books I plan on reading:

Grace Based Parenting, Tim Kimmel

One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp

The New Strong-Willed Child, Dr. James Dobson

Also, if you’re in need of a book about specific issues, my go-t0 book resource is Focus On The Family.

Today’s Thrifting Finds

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Today while my car was getting smogged, I moseyed across the street to a couple thrift stores to try my luck.  I was PUMPED to come home with all this loot for just $9!  Here’s what I picked up:

Basically new gray H&M button up for Cam – $1

Green Osh Kosh vest for Cam – $1

Rolling pin- $1

Vintage tin box to hold my essential oils – $1

Kid size green folding chair – $5

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I heart great thrifting finds!

The Power Of Words

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The other day my husband mentioned to me that he heard a funny song on the radio.

He couldn’t remember what it was called, but he thought I would think it was funny as well so we googled lyrics he could remember until we found it.  The song was “Words” by Hawk Nelson.  It was a song on Christian radio about the power of words.

In my opinion, it was a cheesy song.  No disrespect to the artist, but Christian song or not I just thought it was cheesy.  I should probably preface this by saying that I worked at a Christian radio station for three years where I monitored the station for eight hours a day, hearing the same playlist of songs repeat over and over for months at a time.  Considering that Christian pop isn’t really my style of music in the first place, I sometimes took a humorous approach to what I was hearing.

So Jon and I had a little laugh over this song and moved on with our evening.

This morning I read a chapter from my book Bringing Up Boys, which also happened to be about the power of words.

My time reading ended in me curled up in a ball on the floor praying and Cameron crawling on top of me like a jungle gym.

My son is at the stage where he is really starting to pick up on things.  Maybe he did before, but now Jon and I can actually tell that he’s understanding more and more. He observes everything around him and has even started mimicking certain things he’s seen or heard.  By the end of the 49er game last weekend he was squawking and waving his arms around when we would. (It was a proud father, son moment in our living room).

This morning, when I realized how far I was from God’s will and a good example to my son, I desperately asked God for the help that only he can provide.

I wouldn’t say that I have a dirty mouth, but I do have a large vocabulary of slang terms that I would not want my son to pick up on.  Phrases like, “What the…!?”, “Holy moly!”, “Dang”, “Darn”, “Crap”, “Freakin’”, and “Gosh dang,” frequent my vocabulary.  Sometimes I slip and say “God,” to which my husband now sarcastically responds with, “Who?”  Last summer I was eating pizza with my friend and her three year old son.  I responded to something by saying “what the…” and the three year old turned to me and said, “You shouldn’t say that.  It’s a naughty word.”

I’m not going to lie, I felt embarrassed and convicted because the three year old was right.

“As [a man] thinks in his heart, so is he.”  -Proverbs 23:7, NKJV

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  -Phillipians 4:8

I’m not a parenting expert by any means, but I do understand that the most basic and powerful parenting principle is this: You are THE EXAMPLE to your children.  A million other things will influence them, but the most powerful and significant example is you as a parent.

If I curse, it gives my children permission to curse.  And if I tell them it’s not okay then I become a hypocrite and I lose their respect.

Through my mistakes I can also teach them about grace and repentance, but without intentionally growing in my weak areas I will end up teaching them about ‘cheap grace,’ and what it looks like to make excuses for myself.

I think this is one of the most difficult things to swallow as a parent.  I kind of wish it weren’t true because it’s really challenging.  But this phenomenon can also drive me into deeper reliance on God and a greater desire to become more pure and holy like him.

Hard but true facts.

Thanksgiving Day Giving Challenge

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I read something in Saturday Nothing this morning that inspired me.

So I put a certain amount of cash into an envelope, sealed it and prayed that tomorrow God would give me an opportunity to bless someone with it.

The holidays can be painfully raw for people.  They bring out the best and also shine a bright, flood lamp exposing all the broken pieces in our families and our lives.

So tomorrow will you join me?  Put some money aside and use it to meet someone else’s need.  Even if it’s only $5 to buy someone else a cup of coffee and a slice of pumpkin bread.  Maybe it’s a lot more than that.  But whatever it is, Jesus can use it to touch a heart.  He can use it to breathe life and love and joy into someone who feels run down and worn out.  I love him for that.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Saturday Nothing

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I bought this book because I know the author.

I figured it would be good, but it’s turning out to be great.

Whenever I’ve had spare moments during nap times or in between picking up toys and changing diapers, I’ve hopped on the couch and tried to gobble down a few more pages.

I’ll quote Josh to tell you how I’m feeling as I read this book,

“I’d walk around campus [my house] with my hands in my pockets and my heart on fire wondering what I was going to do with God’s grace in my life and God’s mission in the world.”

Since Cameron is still napping I think I’ll brew another cup of coffee and see how much further I can get!  Grateful for this foggy Wednesday morning.