Tag Archives: God

M Is For Materialism

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In the past three days I’ve stumbled across the same theme three times. I think God is trying to get through to me.

First, I watched this movie on Saturday night with my husband. (Netflix)

Then, on Sunday I randomly read this article.

Finally, tonight I watched this documentary. (Netflix)

I suppose it’s fitting that the Lord keeps leading me, maybe not so subtly, to examine the topic of materialism in my own life, as we enter into the Christmas season. There have been a few times lately where I swear I’ve felt my soul rotting as I’ve shopped impulsively and acted out on greedy desires.

Family members: don’t worry, I am still buying presents this year!

But I have been very challenged in my own heart over the past few days. And it’s not just because I watched some movies and read an article. It’s because when I saw and heard these things it felt like God took a socket wrench to my heart. He made it all come alive and now I feel uncomfortable.

It’s like with anything, I know I could choose to tune out and distract myself and not really lean in and ask God to whisper a little bit louder to me. But what’s the point in following Jesus if I only listen to him when he tells me lovely, wonderful things?

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*Documentary: Beware Of Christians. Highly recommend it, especially for young people.
*Article: A Word To The Young, by Paul Washer.
*Movie: The Joneses (R)

Travel Is The Best Medicine

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Sometimes travel is the best medicine.  New places bring new perspectives and airport layovers provide great think space.  Besides having a blast with my family in Spokane, I also had a much needed Ah-Ha moment and two solid gold hangout sessions with two of my oldest and dearest friends.

My trip was only five days altogether, but it was just the right amount of time.  I had to leave Jon behind, but he got along just fine by upgrading our kitchen spice racks and experimenting with a few new cooking challenges he received via Jamie Oliver’s old cooking show.  He also managed to glue together and paint an old rocking chair that a friend gave me a couple months back.  Go Jon!


Red boxy shelves from Target.  Natural wood shelf from Ikea.
Cute and inexpensive glass spice jars from World Market.  Magnetic
canisters from Bed Bath & Beyond.  


I began and ended my time in Spokane with two of my best friends from high school:  Jessica S. and Jessica C.  Our first chance to meet up happened at the Rockwood Bakery on Spokane’s South Hill.  Jessica S. brought along her adorable, almost six month old son, Daniel.  I brought my baby bump.  And Jessica C., although she isn’t headed towards BabyLand quite yet, brought along her baby interest and knowledge as a nurse, doula and infant photographer.  So we got to talk a lot about babies and all the incredibleness and crazyness that comes along with them.

But possibly the most refreshing part of the entire conversation was the honesty of it all.  We casually joked about about how sometimes our actions as wives are just slightly less than “godly” towards our husbands and in all seriousness and sincerity we shared how those same actions are difficult to deal with and learn from.

It was refreshing because you can’t build friendships like that in a day and the level of trust and honesty we experienced was in great part due to nearly nine years of friendship forming moments and experiences.  And then, because we’d all had such a good time together, we decided to do it again one more time on Monday morning before I had to catch my flight back to San Luis Obispo.  The Jessicas dropped me off at the airport and I’m already looking forward to next time.

Almost 5 months along, but still hardly showing it

 

Cutie pie baby Daniel

I also had a great time with my family while in Spokane.  It was mid-90s all week and perfect weather to go to the lake.  So we did.  We got bags full of penny candy on the way from the hardware store at Loon Lake and did a family swim out to the ski dock before BBQing at the cabin and watching Soul Surfer.

Dad in his 1980s beach chair

Little brother Blake rockin’ the shades

Dad’s house with the most lovely view to wake up to

Then once at my mom’s we did our fair share of deck sitting and my mom threw together the freshest Caprese salad I’ve ever tasted from the basil and Cougar-Red tomatoes growing in her planter boxes.  Of course we did some shopping too between going out to Greenbluff to pick fresh raspberries and then to Arbor Crest winery where a big band orchestra played live music while people danced and drank wine in their lawn chairs.

Dripping sweat after picking raspberries in 98 degree weather

We ate vanilla ice cream with raspberries and hot fudge after dinner.  Mmmmm!

 

We picked up Pete’s Pizza calazones and brought them with us to Arbor Crest.  They are hands down thee best calazones in the world!  And even food critic Jon Kidwell agrees.

I also got to spend some time with all three sets of my grandparents along the way, something I am really grateful for.

My travel experience back to San Luis Obispo proved to be more event-filled than I would usually expect.  On my first flight I sat next to a girl my age named Sugar.  She was up in Spokane visiting one of her four boyfriends.  The 40 year old one in Spokane doesn’t know about other 40 year old in San Diego or the 21 year old in Arizona.  Yikes!  We talked about relationships and family and about how she keeps feeling like she should go back to church, but she doesn’t know why.

During my layover I bought a trash magazine to find out about how Bachelorette Ashley and fiance JP are doing.  But as I sat down to read it, I decided to take advantage of my mom club membership and strike up a conversation with a woman holding her one and half year old daughter.  Turns out she was traveling with the youngest of her six kids.  So I got to hear six separate incredible labor and delivery stories.  And since I’d been reading from The Birth Book on the flight to Spokane I knew exactly what all the different terms she used meant.  Points for me!

Then, on the last leg of my flight, I sat down next to a friendly, talkative guy from Texas who told me how he was fed up with the games girls play.  I thought to myself that it’s a good thing he didn’t meet Sugar.

The Ah-Ha moment I mentioned, happened at the airport before the whole magazine, birth story scenario happened.  I was on the phone talking with Jon when I suddenly starting saying things out loud about how I was feeling that actually made sense.  Ever have that happen?  It’s the coolest.  I think the clarity was a culmination of a conversation I had with my mom, the time I spent with the Jessicas and probably some other things as well.

If you keep up on my blog you may know that for a while now, I’d say about a year, I’ve been struggling in my faith and my relationship with the Lord.  Not in a “I don’t know what I believe” kind of way, but more of a “Why? Why? Why?” kind of way.  ”Why do I not feel peace?  Why do I not feel good about my relationship with God?  Why is it difficult for me to want to read the Bible?  Why do I feel unmotivated to do much about it except for short bursts that die out fast?  Why?”

It’s made for a long year spiritually speaking where I’ve spent more time complaining about things than conquering them.  And the added pressure of feeling like by the time I have a child I need to be the most amazingly-positive, faith filled woman on the planet hasn’t really helped either.  Although Jessica S. assured me that the feeling was normal, but untrue all at the same time.

So anyway, in the roundabout way I’m choosing to talk about this, my airport revelation was this: the past three years have been a whirlwind of great changes in my life.  I moved to California, met Jon, started dating Jon, got engaged, got married and am now preparing to have a baby.  So my life has had a lot of transition relationally, practically and spiritually speaking.

Relationship wise, whenever one of these big shifts occur it means that all your relationships with your family, friends and yourself shift along with it.  So sometimes good friends fall into the category of good acquaintances and new friendships emerge with your new-found relationship status.

Practically speaking, everything is different.  I share a house with a man.  I’m consumed with learning to cook and I consider cleaning to be a hobby because I care about making my husband happy.  I schedule girl time rather than coming home to it.  All good things.  All different than it used to be.

Spiritually, I think things were supposed to shift here too, but the fact that they haven’t is, I think, the source for much of my angst.  Before I got married and got pregnant, most of my spiritual energy (other than reading the Bible and praying) went towards activities and strangers that I hoped would become more than that.  I think I based a lot of how I was doing with God on how successfully I was reaching out to people around me – and in college with 20,000 peers with similar interests, that felt easy.  Also, before marriage it felt easy to be be at anything and everything  and therefore feel involved.  However, a problem arose…

When I got married, unfortunately I forgot to shift my thinking.  Marriage brought with it a whole new lifestyle: new responsibilities, new use of time, a new focus… The Bible touches on this here:

An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

So even though my circumstances had changed, I still viewed success as the amount of time I spent doing “other” things unrelated to my marriage.  As I began spending more time focusing on my marital duties, naturally my involvement in “other” things declined and I started to feel bad and like I was failing.  I felt like, “How can I ever possibly do as much and be as involved as I was before marriage?”  And now with a baby on the way, the feeling has only grown.  ”How can I ever possibly do as much and be as involved after I have the baby?”

Well, the truth is that I can’t.  Not that I want to become so consumed with my own life and my own family that I forget about the rest of the world- that is not my heart at all.  But what I realized at the airport is this:  When I become a mom, 90-95 % of my daily spiritual energy will go into my child and my husband – and that is a good thing.  I can still pray for opportunities along the way and that God would use my little life in the world around me, but the “other” part will not be the main focus or the priority anymore.  My family will be the focus and the priority and I’ll pray hard that God wouldn’t let the investment in my family go to waste.

This is probably a very simple revelation, but it’s been one that I’ve been struggling to get for a long time now.  I think maybe I’ve just needed someone to come along in my life and let me know that, “Hey, you don’t have to be at everything to be important to God.  You don’t have to be a missionary to prove your faith.  You just need to be genuine and loving where ever He’s put you right now.”  I don’t really know if I would have been so open to hearing that from someone until now, so I can’t really blame anyone or anything for the fact that I’ve been going through all this.  I’ve had a specific picture of what serving God and living a full Christian life has looked like for a while now and I’m finding that it’s tough to change my mind and let some things go.  But I need to.  Because if I don’t, I’m going to miss out on embracing and enjoying some really special years ahead with my children.

So now what?  I don’t really know.  I think it probably starts with going back to a more simple faith where I somehow get myself to spend time in the Word consistently whether I feel like it or not.  That always seems to be the first step.  From there, I don’t really know how to embrace everything I need to.  I think spending time around other young moms like Jessica S. would help a lot too.  It was helpful to hear about how it’s a struggle to adapt your faith and your life when you go through transition because it made me feel like I’m not the only one.

To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.   Ecclesiates 3:1-2

The Freighter Ship

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Last night Jon and I started talking about what I had written yesterday.  We’ve talked a lot about the subject lately as I’ve wrestled to come to terms with how I’m feeling.  But last night as we were straightening up our bedroom he said, “I just got a picture in my mind of you right now.”  He said he thought it was from God since it came out of nowhere and it was strikingly vivid.

He said, “I saw a picture of you on this huge freighter ship that was out in the middle of the ocean.  You were frustrated because you were running around trying to find God.  You were looking everywhere.  You wanted to find him so badly.  But you didn’t realize that God was the ship and you were already with Him.”

I really think Jon’s vision was from God because that picture struck me and instantly quieted all the noise in my head and heart.

I’m going to try and let that picture sink in for a while.  I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since Jon spoke it.

“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.  And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand.  My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand.  I and My Father are one.”  -John 10:27-30


God Is A Father Who Cares For Me

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It’s Sunday night and I’m sitting in bed, not really tired yet becuase it’s Sunday – which means I got to sleep in until 10am before going to church,  (happy sigh).  I’m drinking a cup of decaf coffee- not bad at all actually.  And I just finished reading Isaiah so I moved on to Mark tonight.

This weekend I got to spend a lot of time with Jon (more happy sighs).  It felt really special to just be together so much, getting to talk about all the changes going on.  We spent a couple hours in the afternoon today and yesterday laying on the beach.  I never really go to the beach as much as I thought I would when I first moved here, but being pregnant has given me a great excuse to relax a little.

Anyway, I’m rambling, but I was just thinking today about a few ways that God has worked in my life lately.  Some really cool ways that I thought were worth sharing.

#1  -  About three and a half weeks ago, I suddenly decided to stop taking Nexium.  I don’t know why or where that thought came from, but it crossed my mind and a few seconds later I was convinced that starting the very next day I was going to stop taking it for good.

Backstory:  for the past five years I’ve dealt with a whole cornucopia of lovely digestive issues.  For a while I was told I had IBS.  Then it “morphed” into lactose intolerance.  Then that seemed to fade and instead I started having intense cramping and burning in my stomach all the time.  A doctor stuck a camera down my throat and into my stomach to see if I had an ulcer, but I didn’t have that.  I got a bunch of blood work done earlier this year.  Nothing there.  So to deal with the burning in my stomach I started taking Nexium.  I guess it’s a fairly common drug.  And it worked.  However, the thought of taking a prescription drug for the rest of my life: yuck!  I’m only 24!

Jon was a little surprised with my decision to stop taking it because he had experienced, or rather watched me experience, what it was like for me to deal with constant burning and pain in my stomach.  But he supported it.  My doctor told me that most people get even worse pain for a couple weeks when they first stop taking it, so I braced myself for the worst and waited for the discomfort to set in.  It never did.  Whew!  I only experienced an occasional light burning, but it was better than it had been before.

That week I also sat down in front of a computer and researched whether or not it was okay to take Nexium while pregnant.  I guess I was just curious.  Most accounts said it was fine, but with researchers constantly changing their minds about such things, I decided that whenever I did get pregnant, it would probably be better not to be taking anything like that.

Little did I know that I was already pregnant.

#2  -  Last weekend, while away celebrating my 1 year anniversary to Jon Kidwell, I suddenly had the thought to text my former roommate, Danielle, to see if she still wanted to buy the twin bed that hangs out in our guest room.  The thought was totally random because a month or so earlier we had discussed the possibility of selling that bed to Danielle, but then backed out because we thought it was a nice accommodation to have for when people come to stay with us.

However, last Saturday morning I blurted out to Jon, “Hey, I’m gonna text Danielle and see if she still wants the bed because as soon as we have a baby we are going to have to get rid of it anyway, so we might as well just give it to her now since she needs one.”

Danielle stopped by last night to check the bed out one more time and shared with me the story of what had happened.  The day before I texted her she was at a mattress store, ready to buy a new mattress.  But at the last minute, she decided to wait.  She put $10 down just to hold it, but when she left, she said she prayed to God, just asking him to provide something better for her that week.  The very next morning is when I texted her, asking if she still wanted ours.

I found out three days later that I actually did need to get rid of that twin bed anyway.

#3  -  On Friday afternoon my coworker and I were chatting about my health at the water cooler.  The people I work with know that I deal with my cornucopia, because every Wednesday our staff gets together to pray for our listeners and each other.  (I work at a Christian radio station.)  I was telling him how my stomach was doing a bit better lately, but I was still seeing the Chiropractor for my neck and my jaw was still locked up and it hurt to chew.

Anyway, long story short, he went over to his desk and came back with a book that he handed to me and told me I could keep.  When I got home from work I threw it in the pile of baby books that my neighbor had lent me and I assumed I’d get to it eventually.  However, on Saturday I grabbed it and started reading it in the car to Jon and we drove to the beach.

Jon and I only made it through half of the book this weekend, but at this point I honestly think this book was a gift from God.  It’s called ”The Maker’s Diet.”  It’s not a crash diet book, it’s more like a way of life, healthy living and eating diet.

Reading this book made me realize how so much of my life since college consisted of eating predominently unnatural things.  I dealt with an eating disorder up until a couple years ago so I spent a huge chuck of my life consming artificial sweeteners, diet sodas, fat-free processed foods, low calorie processed snacks amongst other things that were never living.  I did eat some salads and fruit from the dining centers, but besides that, Balance Bars were considered a meal.  Then, when I overcame my eating disorder and began to embrace “normal” eating I started enjoying more burgers and fries, pizza, red meat and all things delicious and fried.  Freedom tasted good!  However, what was good for me phychologically, wasn’t necessarily any more healthy than what I was eating before.

For the past few years I have been plagued with this reality:  I’m young.  I’ve excercised regularly my entire life.  My family is pretty healthy.  WHY, WHY, WHY do I have all these health problems that no medical professional can seem to give a name to or fix?!!!

Well, to be honest, a likely answer didn’t really hit me until I started reading this book.  Now don’t worry, I’m not trying to push this book on anybody or tell you that you need to jump on board and read it.  But when I read this man’s story, it really was like a light bulb went on in my brain and I felt like God was showing me some of the answers that I’d been praying for all this time.  I’ve continued to pray for God’s miraculous healing, but when the problems have only gotten bigger I’ve also just decided to trust him and pray that my character would be strengthened through the test.

I won’t go too much into it, but the man who wrote the book has a story about having all sorts of problems and diseases, mostly digestive, but also other seemingly unrelated problems.  And after experiencing every kind of drug, antibiotic, supplement, treatment and natural remedy, he eventually turned to the Bible and found wisdom and instruction from God about what kinds of foods God had intended for us to eat.  Apparently all those seemingly religious and unnecessary commands in Leviticus and Deuteronomy weren’t just religious rules, but rather God was telling his people which parts of his creation he intended for us to eat and enjoy, and which ones weren’t good for us.

The author also explains that the foods that God created for us to eat are full of essential nutrients that our bodies need to function properly.  However, in our society today, most of the pre-packaged foods contain more ingredients that were created or altered in a science lab, than they do natural ingredients.  And of course, the punchline:  more Americans suffer from digestive problems and other degenerative problems than ever before.

Parts of the book are overwhelming because to be honest, I’d rather not concern myself about this kind of stuff.  I mean, how come it has to take so much energy and effort to live a healthy lifestyle and enjoy good health today?  It’s frusterating.  Why did our fast-paced, consumer-driven society have to take convenience too far by sacrificing the quality of people’s lives and gambling with our health?  I wish it was different.  But, seeing that it’s not different right now, I feel hopeful that there are things I can do to get back to a more natural way of eating and living.

I know that there is no kind of miracle health plan or way to ensure that my health will always be as I want it to be.  God already has my days numbered and accounted for.  I don’t want my life to center around healthy-living because that’s a dead end if that’s what I’m putting my hope in.  However, I feel like God might have put this book in my hands for a reason so that  I could discover that the instructions he gave the people of Israel a long time ago can still bless my life today if I will trust that God, the Creator, actually does know something about the best way for me to live.

So I am praying that I would be able to put the things I’m learning into practice.  If simply changing some of the ways I eat is possibly going to help me feel better than I’m definitely willing to make the effort!  And even if these changes don’t actually ”fix” me, I still think they may be worth it in the long run.  Jon says he’s up for the change too.  Last night he said, “I know it may not seem like it, but somewhere inside of me there is a health nut trying to get out.”

So we are starting small at first:  We already switched over to hormone-free organic milk and cage-free eggs a couple months ago -  that hasn’t been too difficult.  Tomorrow night I am attempting to make homemade whole wheat pasta.  We decided to switch to hormone free meats even though they’re more expensive, (with smaller portions of meat we may not even notice the high price as much).  I bought some fruit and veggie wash from Trader Joes.  And maybe the most interesting thing we are trying is to start making homemade fermented beverages such as fermented ginger ale and kefir.  It’s supposed to help with digestion and we both like trying new things.  Other than that we are bumping up our intake of locally grown fresh fruits and veggies.

So yep, the Kidwells have gotten a bit more “earthy.”  My whole world got flipped upside down last week so I might as well throw another change in just for fun!

I’m thankful that God is my Father who cares for me.  I’m thankful he will speak to me about the big and the little things and that he is always working for my good.

***If you end up researching the book, I’m not sure why because the content is so good, but they have ended up marketing it like it’s some of kind of Super-Diet.  The book itself isn’t written like that, so if you can ignore the marketing, I think you will like the book itself.

Stuck in Saturday

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I read a great article in Relevant magazine a few weeks ago.  I know I said that Real Simple is my favorite magazine, which it is, but Relevant is my other favorite.  The article was called Stuck In Saturday and ever since I read it it’s been hanging around in my mind.

In summary, the article described how Holy Week teaches us about waiting.  I know Easter has already come and gone, but God doesn’t move according to my calendar so I’m just now realizing some things related to the purpose of the past couple weeks.

In church we focus a lot on what happened on Friday and Sunday because they both represent universe-altering events.  But what often gets overlooked is Saturday.  What was Saturday like for the disciples and those who were closest to Jesus?  Saturday probably wasn’t a very good day – and that’s the understatement of the last two centuries!  And why was Saturday even necessary?  Why didn’t God just raise Jesus on Saturday and spare everyone the pain and disillusionment that Saturday’s waiting brought with it?  Why?

I’ve been wrestling with my own Satuday lately.  That’s why it is 1:30 a.m. and I am still awake on a work night thinking.  Because while there are so many blessings and things going right in my life right now, there are a few blessings-in-the-process where the waiting feels painfully long and drawn out.  Things that are making the water muddy and thick and clouding up my vision for the good things I have.  Things that I’m attempting to face and have faith for.  It’s a slow walk to the alter sometimes, isnt it?

I’m being quite vague about what I’m referring to, I know, but it’s one of those cases where I’ll gladly share the story once I’m on the other side.  In fact , I’m sure I’ll be so eccstatic that I’ll be sharing the story with random strangers and anyone who will listen to me.

Isn’t it beautiful how it always turns out that way?  The Lord tells us that those who hope in Him will not be put to shame.  Saturday will not last forever.  The cycle will come full circle.  Death and mourning are naturally followed by new life and gladness.  Thank you Easter for this lesson.  Lord help me trust you in my Saturday.

In Honor of Holy Week

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This morning I woke up and realized that this week is Holy Week.  The week leading up to Easter…wait..Easter?  Oh yes, Easter is this coming Sunday. 

Gosh, in all my busyness the past few weeks with Jon starting school and my reaction to it of feeling like I must become Suzy Housewife overnight, I didn’t really stop to think about the significance of this week.  Sure, I saw a few things on Facebook about Lent, most of which in my opinion were shallow excuses to jumpstart a summer diet by giving up chocolate for a month.  But like I said, I didn’t stop to think about the significance of this week until this morning. 

So with last week being my week of spring cleaning and my apartment being better because of it, this week, in honor of Holy Week, or more accurately in honor of my Lord and Savior, my aim is to reflect and gaze upon Christ, to examine myself according to the scriptures, to allow God’s Word access into my busy life, and to do my best to live out more fully the simplest, purest and most important command:  love God by loving others. 

And I know my soul, my attitude, and my quality of life will be better because of it.  Busyness of the soul is guaranteed soul destruction.  Probably why I feel quite beaten down the past few days.  Probably why I feel tired and disheartened and a lot of the other not-so-great things I’ve been feeling.  After this past week I can see that there’s nothing pretty about a busy soul; one that does not sit quietly before God. 

Paul Washer’s tweet this morning reminded me of this truth:

A godly life is not built in a day, a year, or a single event, but by the daily practice of prayer and renewing the mind in the Word of God.  Every day lost to busyness is a lost day!  Do not neglect prayer, the Word, the reading of good books.  Do not give good books the priority. 

Another good reminder came from a video produced by Resonate Church in Pullman, WA that repeatedly stated:

Prayer is not preparation for the greater work.  Prayer IS the greater work.

Let that sink in a little.  Wow. 

So it’s true that our lives may be unavoidably full of things to do, but if it isn’t producing godliness, holiness, goodness and beauty in our lives or in the world around us, it’s probably just getting in the way. 

So here’s to a week of soul rest, right priorities and reflection on the gift that Jesus Christ is to a weary world.  In honor of Holy Week.     

How do you honor or experience Holy Week?

Answering To The Call

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***This photo is of Kevin & Kristi Kneeshaw of Campus Crusade for Christ and their family.

This morning I had the opportunity to sit in on a meeting and devotional time with the President of HCJB Global, Wayne Peterson.  I’ve been hearing a lot obout this worldwide ministry lately seeing as after reading the book Radical by David Platt, my boss at the radio station, the Executive Director, decided to lay down his role here at K-LIFE FM to move to Colorado Springs to work for HCJB.  So I will be getting a new person to report to and my boss and his wife will be helping plant Gospel-preaching Christian radio stations all around the world, specifically in places where less than 2% of the populatoin is Christian.     

This morning at the meeting, Wayne shared a few stories about what’s happening around the world in places like Nepal, Indonesia, Central Asia, Northern Africa and the like.  I was captivated by what he was saying as he explained the present condition of specific locations, but also the fact that the Church is growing below the radar in many areas.

Then I got to work, sat down at my desk and heard my phone chime over and over as thirteen new Twitter update texts poured in from Paul Washer, who is currently overseas preaching the Gospel. (If you would like to get Paul’s tweets sent to your phone you can choose to follow him on Twitter and then click the little phone icon just to the right of the “Follow” button.)   Paul happens to be in one of the places I heard about this morning and his updates did a funny thing to my heart that I’m still trying to decipher. 

I don’t know about you, but doesn’t the mission of Jesus to “seek and save the lost” (Luke 19:10) and to “go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation” (Mark16:15) twist your heart up so tight that you can barely breathe?  Doesn’t that call make you sick to your stomach as you plan your next trip to Disneyland?  Doesn’t it cause your life to flash before your eyes as you imagine yourself actually considering your life worth nothing, heading out into the wilderness and climbing to the heighest heights with God for His glory?

Jon and I had a tearful conversation a couple weeks ago.  It was a Saturday morning before we headed out for Adopt-A-Block and I was reading a chapter in Radical in the big chair in our living room while Jon was skimming the paper.  And it hit me.  I was reading about how this one retired couple decided to use their retirement to feed hungry people in Africa versus moving into a gated community and playing golf every afternoon.  And like I said, it hit me.  Because it was cool that that specific couple had decided to sacrifice their comfort in retirement to serve others, but the thought that struck me was:

I hope it doesn’t take me until I’m retired to sacrifice everything to serve Him.

That’s a scary thought, right?  That maybe forty years from now I will finally detach myself enough from my stuff, my ambitions, my life-securing, life-building tactics in order to answer to the call, so to speak.

I keep wrestling with this topic lately, if you couldn’t tell, because I’m excited about what God is doing in my life in the here and now and I can feel Him growing me in deep, meaningful ways.  Yet in my heart of hearts I’m seeking to know, really know, whether I am truly living out the call of Jesus in my life as fully as God would have me to.  It’s scary.  Because contrary to popular new-age belief, we only get one life to use to make much of Him.  That’s it.  And when it’s all said and done we will stand before the King of all Kings to give him a report about our lives.  What did we do with all that he gave us?  (Matthew 25) 

Anyhow, I’m not sure how and where God will direct my steps in the coming days and years.  I’m not sure if I will continue to serve Him here in the US, somewhere else, or both.  But I am praying today that He would do whatever necessary to help me to embrace his Word, build my life upon it and make me ready to respond at any moment to his call; whether it be reaching out in friendship to my neighbor a few doors down or whether it means buying a one-way ticket to Nepal or a similarly remote place that I cant locate on a map.

Below are Paul Washer’s tweets from this morning.  I hope you like them.  Or better yet, I hope the Holy Spirit speaks to your heart through them like He did to mine.         

“I was in Lucknow India last week and in Nepal this week.  Right now I am in Pokhara, Nepal.  Tomorrow we head to Kathmadu. 

The conference in Lucknow was a blessing.  I preached eleven times to many hungry missionaries.  God seemed to help and I was filled with joy. 

God has given me a heart for India & Nepal.  I am also burdened for Tibet, China and Mongolia.  We must reach these peoples with the Gospel. 

After Lucknow, we met with our new missionaries in Nepal  What a joy!  Some are mountain men.  They remind me of my beloved Peruvians. 

I preached 12 times in Nepal and the men were very receptive. More explanation and illustration was needed, but God was faithful in helping.

In both places, I preached on the Gospel, true conversion, biblical assurance, and the minister’s family. 

Yesterday, Matt and I went looking for tigers on an elephant.  It was an adventure.  I am both disappointed and glad that we found no tigers.

I witnessed to a Sikh this evening.  I had no idea how he would respond, but he listened until another came into the room.

I wish I was 20 years old and could throw my life away in these mountains.  I pray that God might raise up young preachers to go forth. 

Why do so many young men spend time blogging about theological nuances while the world dies without the Gospel?  Why?

The kingdom needs men who rely upon only a few simple weapons: Bold preaching of the Gospel, intercessory prayer, and sacrificial love.

Please pray about Asia, the Middle East, and the 10/40 Window.  They present an opportunity to live and die for something eternal.” 

I beg you to pray about going to the places where there is no Gospel witness, but only if you have a Gospel witness.”

 Side note: I’m not opposed to Disney Land.  I don’t think it’s bad.  I just think God is trying to get through to me lately about certain things.  Please enjoy fun times at Disney Land as you see fit.  :)

Meet Brother Paul

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About six months ago my husband introduced me to a man named Paul Washer.  It was an informal meeting and actually it was in my car.  Paul talked and I intently listened to what he had to say.  I found him refreshingly straightforward and knowledgeable about the Word of God.  And he was intense!  Like a coach before the championship game, he preached as if everything was riding on this final sermon.

Soon after that first meeting I hung out with Paul again where he preached to a youth conference (and to me) about what real Christianity was meant to look like, and it hurt.  It hurt really bad.  And that’s when I decided that me and Paul, we were going to be great friends.

During that time Paul attacked my interests, my motives, my lifestyle and basically he attacked me.  Which is why I was so grateful.

Brother Paul preaches a message that is widely dismissed by American Christianity but that others like Francis Chan, David Platt and I believe George Mueller if he were still alive today, stand up for as being the true gospel.  A gospel that states that we are wretched and He is the only source of good.  We are God-haters and yet He desires to save us for his purposes.  Versus that increasingly popular teaching about positive self thinking and living your best life now that draws thousands of Americans to a fancy church every Sunday to hear a motivational speech with a Bible verse tagged onto it for credibility.

When Jesus preached it hurt.  People walked away.  And he didn’t apologize for it.  Of course those who were truly hungry for the truth and for purity stayed and were blessed, but those who were just “checking him out” quickly realized the dire price to pay to follow him simply wasn’t worth it.

Now, I’m not a masochist.  I don’t enjoy enduring pain or criticism or someone telling me that I’m wrong.  But the Bible says that “the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart (Hebrews 4:12). Meaning that the Word of God will offend us, cut us and basically hit us where it hurts as it seeks to put to death the desires of the flesh and make us more pure and righteous so we can embrace the Holy Spirit.

The Bible also states that “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses,” (Proverbs 27:6).  God is merciful and gracious and He gives us what we do not deserve: a new life in Jesus Christ.  Because he loves us,  in his own timing, he will continue to expose our darkest places so that as we experience a greater measure our wretchedness and sin, we experience a greater measure of his goodness all the more.

So I respect Paul Washer and the people who are preaching a message that isn’t popular.  Men who are not trying to draw a crowd but who seek Christ above all else and fervently pray that His Kingdom would come.

It’s convicting to even write this actually.  Makes me think I need to spend some time today in a closet with God getting some things in order.  But that’s what good preaching will do.  It will drive you into a secret place with God.  It will make you realize your utter inability to please God by anything you do in your own strength.  It will not kiss you all over and tell you you’re lovely and that you need not burden yourself with the responsibility of the Kingdom.

If you’re not sure you’re ready to dive into a whole hour with Paul, here’s his testimony.  It’s amazing.  It’s only fifteen minutes long.

Paul was saved in college and ministered as a missionary in Peru for 10 years, during which time he founded the HeartCry Missionary Society to support Peruvian church planters. HeartCry’s work now supports over 100 indigenous missionaries in over 20 countries throughout Eastern Europe, South America, Africa, Asia, and the Middle East.  And like George Mueller, HeartCry has never asked for a penny of support.  They believe that every need of their ministry will be obtained through prayer.  And it has.

But I suggest you jump into a few sessions with Paul every now and then as a means to examine yourself according to the scriptures.  That’s what I’m going to do today.  Especially today, because Japan doesn’t need our sympathy.  The world needs praying, God-believing, followers of Jesus Christ who are ready to show his love and compassion and the glorious truth to anyone in need.

Visit Sermon Audio to view the archive of Paul Washer sermons.

The Awkwardness of Airports

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Sitting in airports makes me completely uncomfortable.   There are few places in the world where so many people, from so many different walks of life are all gathered in a single place with nothing to do.  Everybody is bored, or reading, or nowadays they’re likely on a laptop or texting.  One third of people are physically here but by the look on their faces mentally they are somewhere far, far away.  Everyone is coming and going and caught in the middle of unfolding stories of life that they’re trying to figure out while purposfully avoiding eye contact with everyone else in the vicinity.  And I’m writing because I’m not sure what to do in situations like this.

This morning Jon and I are on a trek up to Washington to spend a week with my family.  We drove from San Luis Obispo to Oakland last night where we stayed in a Sleep, Park ‘N Ride hotel and we awoke this morning to billows of marijuana smoke coming in through our window because our neighbor on the floor below us was enjoying his 6am fix.  We ate a quick breakfast of dried out toast and Fruit Loops at the hotel’s continental breakfast and then we caught our shuttle to the Oakland airport.

And now at the airport, waiting for our flight I’m uncomfortable.  Because in moments like this I can’t decide how I should live out my Christianity.  And suddenly simply believing in God doesn’t seem to cut it.  It doesn’t seem to be changing the world unless I let the Lord Jesus live through me in moments like this.  But my coffee is still kicking in and I fear that by the time I wake up and decide what I should do I will already be on the plane on my way to somewhere else.

Sometimes I wonder if I complicate what God is really asking me to do.  Yet at the same time I am afraid to simply soothe myself, saying that just to go through my day with a positive attitude is enough.  As if me just breathing is enough to fulfill the Great Commission.  I have a reoccuring daydream at airports.  They usually consist of me stepping up on top of a chair and beginning to speak out all kinds of riveting things about God.  Telling the people that there is something worthwhile to hope in.  Soon a crowd is gathering to hear the good news and even the security guards who should be taking action against me can’t help but pull up a chair and listen to the dramatic illustration of  the greatest love story of all time.  However, as I imagine these epic scenarios my legs grow vines that wrap around the base of my chair and pretty soon I have roots that go twenty feet deep into the floor.

And I get really uncomfortable.  Stuck in between what I long to do and what I’m really willing to carry out at this moment.  However, all my thoughts and prayers about wanting to do something worthwhile with my day of travel didn’t go to waste.  After sitting around thinking about things for a while it was time to board our plane.  And after taking my sweet time to get my things together we were the second to last people boarding the aircraft.  Not a big deal until we realized that this was an open seating flight and because of my slowness Jon and I were likely going to be sitting on opposite ends of the plane.  Awesome.

Luckily, when we walked onto the plane it was not a full flight but almost every middle seat was open.  Again, really awkward.   Airports are awkward but it might be even more uncomfortable trying to choose which middle seat to take because you know that no matter who you sit next to they will be highly annoyed that someone ruined their opportunity for a spacious flight.  So we headed for the back of the plane hoping to find a few seats still open for us.  Near the back there were a few rows left with only one person seated so I carefully scanned each person, sizing them up, trying to determine their level of awkwardness so that i could choose who would be the least awkward person to sit next to.  There was a younger guy reading a book with headphones on that looked strangely angry and a middle age businessman that seemed to have some allergy symptoms going on so i took the middle seat next to a friendly looking 60-ish year-old Indian woman who was quietly playing with her phone.  She looked safe and i figured she may not even speak English, therefore making her a promising candidate for my flight company.

She didn’t say much at first and eventually we made a little bit of small talk, exchanging our names and such.  I pulled out my pillow to prepare to sleep through the next one hour and forty-one minutes of air time, but instead the thought crossed my mind that maybe a second best option to dramatic airport preaching, was to explore a little with my neighbor.  Besides, Jesus not only preached to crowds but he made time for a bunch of people along the way.

I’m glad I made that decision because I spent the next hour and thirty minutes listening intently to this woman tell me all about her experiences in India and in America, about her two college-aged sons, about the changing social and family trends in the US, and about the heartbreak surrounding her husband running off with his secretary last year. She told me how she loved the independence and freedom that America had given her because as a 5’6″ woman who prefered pants over lavish dresses that reached the floor, in India she was often mocked for her giant-like height and tom-boy appearance.  But she said the price she paid for her independance was the slow but steady breakdown of her family and the independant spirit that had caused her boys to move far away from home and that lead her husband to cheat on her for over three years in her own home.  She also told me about how she was a Muslim and how her husband was a Hindu, but that in India everyone is either Muslim, Hindu or Catholic and that religion is all just ways of teaching your children family values anyway so it was easy for them to coexist together in different religions.

It’s funny because I find that talking to people about Jesus is fairy easy when they don’t have much of a religious background, but I’ve always had a bit of an issue talking about Jesus with people who are already devoted to another religion.  I’m not sure why, but the thought has always made me feel a little bit intimidated and small and I quickly become afraid to offend.  So depsite my fear I decided to be brave and I asked her what she thought about Jesus.  And to be honest it didn’t really go anywhere too deep because she stated simply that he was a prophet just like Muhammad.  However a few minutes later after a solid hour and a half of listening, God gave me an eleven minute window to share my testimony and the truth about what God had done in my life over the past couple years.

I don’t know exactly what that woman, whose name I still find difficult to pronounce, thought about everything I shared.  Our flight ended shortly after I finished my story and after a few kind remarks we parted ways as I headed off to baggage claim.  But you never know what God will do with the tremendous seeds that we plant for His sake.  And for myself personally, it was a great life lesson because I don’t always choose the path of friendliness, of having time to hear someone out, or the one where you choose to get over the awkwardness and start a conversation, but I do know that I seldom regret being that kind of person.

I pray for that sweet woman.  God loves her very much and I pray she comes to realize just how sweet it is to trust in Jesus.

My Heart Screams Evangelism

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 My Heart Screams Evangelism

The most exhilarating thing I ever did in college was to share the gospel. While many people find their excitement in the parties and the thrill of escaping responsibility and reality a few nights a week, I’m happy to say that the most adventurous, thrilling, heart thumping, living on the edge experiences I had during my college career were the times when I swallowed the lump of fear in my throat and dared to share the truth about God with someone around me. This isn’t to say that I never found myself held hostage by sin and wrong choices during those four years of intense identity formation, but those reckless choices proved to be dulling dead ends compared the the elation of being used by God.

I’ve been thinking a lot about student evangelism and the college campus lately. Daydreaming, actually, is a more accurate depiction of what’s really been going on. You see, for the past two years I have been working at a small, local non-profit Christian radio station on the Central Coast. I work with seven other Christians and we hear testimonies all the time from our listeners telling us how much the music we play helps them through their days and in their walks with God. And that’s pretty cool, I must agree. I have my own desk, with my own computer and from there I create all sorts of different newsletters and emails, I answer phone calls and attend meetings, I plan upcoming events and offer new ideas for growth. And I daydream. I sit at my desk and I daydream about the college campus just a couple miles down the road.

During my four years at Washington State University I was involved with an organization called Campus Crusade for Christ (CRU). And they, along with the Lord of course, are the ones to blame for my daydreaming. The things that I learned and experienced and were challenged to adopt into my style of living are as much a part of me still as my left foot is. And over the past couple years since college, God’s plan for my life has moved me from Washington to California, it’s found me a dreamy husband, and it’s introduced me to some incredible people all while my life has continued to transform more and more into the character and life of Christ.

So while by God’s grace my life has continued to progress, there’s still something about being on a college campus that gets me high so to speak.

In an article by Campus Crusade that I read during my freshman year of college I learned that, “Most people who become Christians do so before the age of 22. College students are at a crossroads, and many belief systems are competing for their allegiance. While they’re in this stage of life, we need to make Jesus Christ an option for them.” And in another paragraph of the article I learned that, “As you begin a ministry on campus, evangelism is what will set it apart. It will make the difference between a maintenance ministry and a thriving one like we see in the Book of Acts. It would be tempting to build a ministry solely through the gathering of Christians. While fellowship is vital, it does not encompass everything Jesus cam to do: to seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10).”

Evangelism does something to a person. It doesn’t matter your default personality setting, whether you’re naturally loud or shy. Whether you like public speaking or hate it. Evangelism, for every Christian, is the key to being unlocked from a boring, middle of the road Christianity, and into an exciting adventure of trusting God and living out His purposes in our lives. I’m convinced of it now more than ever as I sit at my cubicle, with only Christians in the building and with my little bamboo plant as my sole source of company and the object of my preaching. It’s boring.

The opportunities that Christian students have on their campuses is a once-in-a-lifetime golden window. After college, former students may have the opportunity to help lead or support a college ministry, but if you’re fortunate enough to go to college, you only get one shot at influencing other college students with the gospel from that angle, on the ground level, in the thick of a very important time in people’s lives.

Even now, drawing closer to three years since I graduated, the challenge I received as a college freshman is still ringing true to my ears and begging me to rearrange my life:  “Build now, so as to leave a legacy.”

So as of late, in my prayers I’ve begun to ask my Heavenly Father for  new opportunities in evangelism. I want to spend my days at the heart of one of the most influential centers of the world once again, the college campus.

 Romans 1 :16, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes.”